Ch-ch-ch-changing

There is no getting around the fact that everything is about to change for Doug and I. EVERYTHING. I try to imagine what it will be like when we have our little boy to consider before we do anything. When date nights out become a thing of the past (though we are planning on adopting a "date night in" policy), when a stroller or carrier and diaper bag become our new accessories. Everything is going to be different, and I find this third trimester has been all about getting used to the changes. No longer able to make commitments for any time beyond the present, we can be heard answering "maybe, it just depends on the baby" when asked to make plans or commit to anything.

For me, the changes have been gradually coming over the past 8 months. Physically, I am changing in more ways than I can count. Little changes have popped up from the very beginning of pregnancy. Now, they are more obvious (hello, belly!). This past month I've been thinking about making more drastic changes. Changes that I can control.

Doug has been making his own changes, as well. Whether he acknowledges the timing of his physical changes with the timing of this big life change or not is beside the point. He's growing a full beard. I like the way he looks with the beard, and he said he wanted to look a little older. Now that he's approaching fatherhood and his 30th birthday, I think he's feeling the same way I am.

All these changes are coming and we can't control them!

Here I sit, with dye in my hair, waiting the alloted time before I can rinse it out. The other day I took a good look at myself in the mirror and I thought, "where the heck did all those gray hairs come from?" Sure, there were only a handful. It's not as though all my hairs are turning silver. First it was just one or two. I laughed as I pointed them out to people. But then I realized they've been multiplying, and now they didn't need to be pointed out. They were there without a doubt. In an effort to take some control over the changes my body is making (without my permission, I might add), I'm dying the gray out of those suckers. And in a week or two, I think I'm going to go get a hair cut. I need it anyway, but I think I'm in the mood to make some controlled changes. To prove to myself that even though everything is changing and I can't stop it, there are still SOME changes that I am in charge of. :)

Usually, I love change. And even now, I am anxious for this baby boy to be born, to see first hand what changes his life bring to our day-to-day lives. I find change to be thrilling in the way it upsets the "norm". But lately I'm not liking the fact that I really have no control over the changes happening to me and all around me. It's okay, it's nothing an $8 box of hair dye can't handle.

the small things

Doug and I like to walk to Mass on Sunday mornings. It's a 30 minute walk, but we really enjoy talking and looking around at the things in our neighborhood. And there's a super cute white fluffy dog that comes running to get pet every time we pass.

Last week we noticed the abundance of dandelions, both in the new, bright yellow form, and in the fluffy white form as well. We spent our half our walk picking fluffy white dandelions and blowing the seeds into the air.

On our way home we commented on our childish natures, and Doug mentioned that he really likes that we both enjoy the small things in life. At that moment I stopped to look at what I thought was a ladybug on a yellow dandelion, but it was actually an aphid (we think). As we continued walking, we talked about how exciting it will be to share in the joys of the small things with our baby, who will be learning about the world for the very first time.

How exciting is it to play such a dynamic role in a human beings life, that we get to show our child the joy and beauty in the world. We get to experience the small things in life with someone who is experiencing them for the very first time. We get to play in the summer rain and show our little one how worms like to crawl out of the ground when it's raining, and how the sun makes a rainbow when the rain has stopped. We get to see the beauty of a tiny butterfly or a giant elephant from the perspective of someone seeing them for the first time.

One of the best "small things" in the world is growing rapidly inside me, ready to change our world, and our perspective on life, forever.

Everything's Changing

Sometimes (okay, all the time) I think about my baby, wondering what he or she will look like, wondering if the baby will have my brown eyes, or Doug's blue ones. I wonder what kind of mother I'm going to be, I wonder how much this little life is going to change my life. How can such a tiny thing be so huge? How can something that fits into these tiny diapers be the thing that changes my life forever?

I wonder what my mom felt when she was pregnant with me. Was she scared? Was she excited? Did she feel confident in her abilities to mother a baby, or was she like me and terrified of the unknown?

I sometimes think I am not ready for this. I know, I've wanted this for a long long time, and this baby is an answer to my prayers. I know, God has chosen this time for Doug and I to become parents. I'm thrilled. Terrified, but thrilled.

My life changed the moment I found out about this little miracle. I feel like everything is changing. Even though it scares me, it's a good and exciting scared. It's the same kind of scared I felt before I married Doug and moved 4,000 miles away from the place I grew up. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me. While I think about this tiny life inside me, I thank God for all the changes that are about to occur. And I pray he'll give me the tools I need to be a great mom.