Friday, April 9, 2010

Everything's Changing

Sometimes (okay, all the time) I think about my baby, wondering what he or she will look like, wondering if the baby will have my brown eyes, or Doug's blue ones. I wonder what kind of mother I'm going to be, I wonder how much this little life is going to change my life. How can such a tiny thing be so huge? How can something that fits into these tiny diapers be the thing that changes my life forever?

I wonder what my mom felt when she was pregnant with me. Was she scared? Was she excited? Did she feel confident in her abilities to mother a baby, or was she like me and terrified of the unknown?

I sometimes think I am not ready for this. I know, I've wanted this for a long long time, and this baby is an answer to my prayers. I know, God has chosen this time for Doug and I to become parents. I'm thrilled. Terrified, but thrilled.

My life changed the moment I found out about this little miracle. I feel like everything is changing. Even though it scares me, it's a good and exciting scared. It's the same kind of scared I felt before I married Doug and moved 4,000 miles away from the place I grew up. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me. While I think about this tiny life inside me, I thank God for all the changes that are about to occur. And I pray he'll give me the tools I need to be a great mom.


  1. You're going to be such an amazing mother, seriously you don't even know. you're an amazing friend/sister to me so that's how I know.

    Sometimes the unknown is so beautiful and such a blessing. It makes it so much more fun and to enjoy. Even the things you don't think you can handle you do and you learn and look back on those things amazed at yourself. you know/

    You think your not ready for it b/c it's the fear in you and it's the being scared, and that's ok.


  2. Eeeee, I am so excited for you! I don't think you ever feel totally ready. I even felt scared for a little while after I found out I was expecting number two which is a little silly since I'd already done it once! :)