Friday, April 9, 2010
Sometimes (okay, all the time) I think about my baby, wondering what he or she will look like, wondering if the baby will have my brown eyes, or Doug's blue ones. I wonder what kind of mother I'm going to be, I wonder how much this little life is going to change my life. How can such a tiny thing be so huge? How can something that fits into these tiny diapers be the thing that changes my life forever?
I wonder what my mom felt when she was pregnant with me. Was she scared? Was she excited? Did she feel confident in her abilities to mother a baby, or was she like me and terrified of the unknown?
I sometimes think I am not ready for this. I know, I've wanted this for a long long time, and this baby is an answer to my prayers. I know, God has chosen this time for Doug and I to become parents. I'm thrilled. Terrified, but thrilled.
My life changed the moment I found out about this little miracle. I feel like everything is changing. Even though it scares me, it's a good and exciting scared. It's the same kind of scared I felt before I married Doug and moved 4,000 miles away from the place I grew up. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me. While I think about this tiny life inside me, I thank God for all the changes that are about to occur. And I pray he'll give me the tools I need to be a great mom.