Being a mother-to-be....

Being a first time mommy-to-be is a pretty exciting experience, and is so much different than I expected it to be. A few months used to seem like no big deal. The close of summer was an exciting time, leading to fall and then into winter and Christmas. These days, a few months seems to fly by, and I find myself planning not by seasons, but by the things we need to do before the baby arrives. We planned our "autumn cleaning" (our second version of spring cleaning) based on how big my belly would be, and thus how easy it would be for me to help out. When making plans for the next few months, everything becomes dependent on the arrival of our baby. Our traditional plans for winter and Christmas change as we imagine our lives with our son.

I've realized the strength and ability in my body. I'm amazed by the perfect creation of my body holding my baby boy, so tiny and fragile at this stage, nourishing him and providing him with what he needs to live. I feel my heart beat and know my heart is pumping blood not just for my own needs, but for the needs of this baby. When I eat, I am eating food that will not only strengthen and nourish my body, but will help my little one grow strong. It amazes me how a woman's body was created to carry a human life within her, without any sort of intervention, my body just knows what to do.

Though I have started becoming uncomfortable, my back arches a little to balance out the weight of my growing belly, my hips ache as the joints loosen and widen in preparation for childbirth. Everything becomes a little more difficult and I move a little more slowly. Sleep is not quite as restful, getting out of bed every 2-3 hours becomes more challenging, but I am amazed at my body's flexibility as it changes so drastically.

When I feel my little one thumping and squirming, it feels like a special secret. It feels like a treasure in these few months we get to be connected so deeply. I wonder, will my life always be so affected by his, from now on? Will his life be so affected by mine? I get nine whole months to learn about my baby boy before anyone else gets to meet him. He knows the sound of me, of my heart beat, my voice, my laughter. I feel so blessed to get this chance to bond with him before he's even born. His life is such a gift.

I know that with my second, and third, and fourth pregnancies it won't be the same. The way I feel now is unique to being a first time mommy-to-be. So for now, I will sit and spend time gazing at my thumping belly, thanking God for choosing me as a vessel for this life.